Vicki Kennedy with Alex Atwood at The Alchemist Lounge

079: The #1 Relationship Killer with Vicki Kennedy

In this heart-opening episode of The Alchemist Lounge, Alex Atwood sits down with author, therapist, and relationship expert Vicki Kennedy to explore how couples can transform conflict into connection—and why “It’s Never Personal” might be the mantra that saves your relationship and your sanity. Drawing from her own story of heartbreak and healing, Vicki shares the tools behind the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) model, how “demon dialogues” sabotage intimacy, and what it means to drop into primary emotion, co-regulate, and become true allies with your partner.

In this episode, you will hear:

  • (0:00) The “Oh Moment” & Emotional Hijacks: when your nervous system says “I don’t matter”—and how to course-correct.
  • (2:35) Arguments vs. Fights: how to distinguish hurt from harm and why healthy friction is essential.
  • (6:05) The Hold Me Tight Workshop: why couples of every stage—from dating to divorced—can benefit.
  • (10:44) Demon Dialogues Decoded: what happens when your partner “never listens” and why it’s rarely about the dishes.
  • (24:13) Vicki’s Story: divorce, five therapists, and the training that finally clicked.
  • (27:46) Why EFT Works: the neuroscience behind connection, and how secure attachment makes you a better human.
  • (36:53) Shadow Work & Self-Compassion: why the parts you hide are the keys to healing.
  • (46:06) The Five-Step “Never Personal” Process: from pain to presence, and holding what hurts to release it.
  • (57:35) Ego, Forgiveness & Freedom: the summit beyond the summit—and the realization that “there’s nothing to forgive.”

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